The soup, it is choking me.

That dream is haunting me. I feel debilitated not being able to shake that dream out of my mind. Even if I am capable of doing so, would it alter fate, would it change the future? I would be the biggest fool if I perceive things this way. However, truth bites. I believe everyone can see the obvious, and I am no exception. I should have known, everything made sense right from the start. Someone told me I will know when the time comes, but I don't want to be the last to find out. I fear history will repeat itself.


I was talking to my mum just now, and we did it online. She was random, and I guess I found out where I inherited my trait from. She questioned, "Darling, are you happy with what you are doing now?"
She was referring to work. I had to say that I am happy with my work. Not that I am never contented, it's just that along the way, there were several factors which have interrupted my life. It's beyond possible for me to have the best of both worlds, so I could only reveal the positive side of work lest she gets all worried and probes further.

"Are there times when you were feeling down?" she pried.
I said no.
She didn't just stop there. She was asking me the times other than work.
I said no.
Who was I trying to kid? I had to say no, anyway.

My mum finally mustered her courage and braced herself to ask me a question I believe she wanted to raise many years ago. "Are you angry and mad at me for...leaving?" she asked.
In all honesty, I was never mad at her. I didn't reproach her, and I never will. She is my mother, and I love her with all my heart. I miss her so much.

She apologised.